You may or may not have heard of The Bachelor/Bachelorette- a show where hot young things leave their jobs to travel the world, live a sister-wives type life for a few weeks, and participate in awkward make-out sessions for all the world to see (seriously...your grandpa might see that!) Oh, and after all that skanky hanky panky, there may be a couple who makes it through alive and happily engaged for 6 months.
Well, there's a guy who calls himself "Reality Steve," and he likes to ruin the show by exposing who gets engaged at the end of the show. Personally, I always sneak a peak at Steve's prediction, just so I can sit back, relax, and analyze the winner's behavior throughout the show, like a true nerd. He has a ton of followers, and believe it or not, they tune in just to find out who kissed who where in what city, and why that same person left in tears on episode 9.
That got me thinking... there really should be a "Reality Steve" for all the mothers out there. Someone who "exposes" the process, the good, the bad, and the ugly, the ins and outs, ups and downs, trials and tribulations of motherhood. Because, in my humble opinion, being a mom truly is. IS. the hardest job in the world.
Sure, being a brain surgeon takes years of schooling and millions of hours of study. Being an rocket scientist requires fairly decent brains and a good amount of commitment. Running a law firm is arduous. Being a principal takes guts. Playing basketball.... well... can be hard on the ol' body. If your job is using a pic-ax to chip away at a 3,000 foot mountain until you're left with a smooth round paperweight, you've probably got a hard job. Ok, president of the US... admittedly stressful and obviously important.
But the thing is- none of those jobs completely rock you to your core. None of those jobs literally expose your very soul. Those jobs don't take everything out of you until you're left with what feels like nothing, and then the next minute completely fill you up until you feel like you're exploding with love and joy, then drain you of everything you've got the next day, only to fill you back up again so you can start the draining process all over again. Those other jobs don't do that.
Being a mom does. It rocks you to your core. It exposes your soul. It can empty you in a way you never thought possible.
~If you're checking out now, just wait....Silver lining is, the
best part of the
hardest job in the world is that it's worth it. Why? Because the very things that rock you, expose you, drain you, terrify you... they don't keep you from waking up the next morning and facing it all again, because your heart houses more
love, compassion, patience, determination, dedication, bravery, and selflessness than is fathomable. ~
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| you could never tell from this picture, but this was one of my hardest mom days... left the house to go to the park because I couldn't handle the mess at home, total toddler breakdown as we tried to leave the playground, teenage boy ran into daughter on slide and cussed me out ???, projectile vomit all over the car right after Sonic lunch, refusal to take naps, no one to call for help....the list goes on and on. I wish I could say, "But all I really remember from that day is their smiling faces breezing down the slides." Who am I trying to kid? Good thing I have this picture, otherwise there would be no good memory from that day! |
Back to reality.....
Ordinary jobs have days off. They can be quit. Lateral moves can be made. There are ladders to climb. The grass is greener on the other side, and you may have a chance to get there someday. Salaries are negotiable. Raises possible. Rewards are tangible.
But motherhood... it never ends. There are no days off. It can't be quit. (is that even a sentence?) You can't make lateral moves. (Hmmm... that house is nicer and that husband is richer and those kids are cuter... I'll just request a transfer.) There is no ladder to be climbed. Once a mom, always, well, just a mom. No lead mom, no president mom, no CEO mom, no senior manager mom. You can't ask for a raise. There are no bonuses or paid days off or staff announcements declaring your amazing competency on last week's assignment. There will most likely be no top-selling biography written about you, or key to the city handed to you by your hometown mayor. But it STILL is a job. The hardest one. And something that makes it harder is thinking you are the only one. Thinking all other moms have it together. Thinking you better act like you've got it together so no one else can judge you.
There don't seem to be enough Reality Steves for moms. Sure, it's easy to find blogs that showcase beautiful nurseries, painstakingly display step-by-step DIY projects, show off glorious children-friendly dishes filled with decadent ingredients, or that dish out the fun and bubbly details of a very productive, exciting, or dare I say it, relaxing day. Some even post occasionally about the hardship of keeping floors clean and the pains of figuring out baby sleep schedules, but no details...just the perfect end result. Pinterest can be a scary place- there are no pictures of what your house really looks like, what your post-baby belly truly looks like, no pictures of what really happens during dinner time.
What about the blogs that (consistently) humbly and honestly lay out reality laced with encouragement? That showcase homes with dirty baseboards and crooked picture frames and floors flooded with laundry, and sinks overflowing with dishes, and boo boos being kissed by momma's tears. Women who use their online space to say it's okay that motherhood triggered your legitimate need for depression or anxiety meds. It's okay that you haven't scheduled swimming lessons yet for your 5 year old. It's okay that all you want to do is put the baby in the crib, close the door, and take a nap. It's okay that your husband comes home to a messy house 4 out of 5 days a week. It's okay that you don't care if he's annoyed. It's not okay if you feel bad about it. He shouldn't be annoyed. Send him to me if he is. It's okay that you feel sad, lonely, depressed, stressed, crabby, etc... and NO, you don't need to be feel embarrassed or justify your feelings to family members or reply to comments like, "Oh poor dear, maybe you should see a doctor." Tell them that the doctor said you need someone to come help scrub your floors. See what they say to that!
That is the kind of Reality Steve this new globally connected mommy world really needs. Yes, I will still read my favorite design blogs. Yes, I will still write posts about my latest antique store find. And yes, I still want to sip my coffee in peace and gaze at pictures of those perfectly planned parties, organized pantries, and educational craft for each national holiday. Because without them, there is nothing to aspire to or admire, or momentarily take my mind of the seemingly endless chaos of my own life. But no, I will not pretend that motherhood is easy, that my house is spotless, that my kids have more fun than any other kids, or that my sanity is always cool, calm, and collected. I don't know everything. In fact, I know laughingly little about how to be a mom. I learn as I go. And I believe we all can learn a lot from each other. It doesn't have to be lonely, strange, or competitive. Friend- I've been there, and news flash- we've all been there at some point! Picking boogers off the wall before company comes over, wiping spit-up off your just-freshly-made-up face and out of your mouth, paying bills with one hand while microwaving hot dogs with the other while holding the phone to your head while your husband says he's working late again and dinner, bath and bedtime are all up to you, bribing fussy kids through the grocery store and realizing you forgot to wear a bra, giving a death glare to an older lady who judgingly stares at you while you breastfeed at Pei Wei. And if all that sounds easy as pie and silly and stupid, well... that's on a pretty good day.
Nobody wants a pity party. We just need to be able to be real. I have a lot of momma friends, and not a one has the perfect life. The one thing we all have in common is the deep-seated need to connect with other moms in a way that does not make us feel inadequate, judged, or jealous. Add a dose of humor in there, and my day is made. Can I get an amen?!
Thankfully, I'm not the only one who thinks we need a mommy-hood reality steve, and they've already done a pretty good job of dishing out the cold, hard, and funny truth. Here are some of my favorites-
http://cakeandgreenbeans.com
and because we all can use a little pretty pick-me-up, I made this print and taped it to my mirror so that in the morning there is actually something cute looking back at me. Yes I went there. :)
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| right click to save and print your own 8x10 |
