Spring fever!

On a lighter note- I am LOVing the new spring lines out there. I love this weather, wearing flip flops and tank tops, and riding with the windows rolled down! :)

                                                                               Via

To read or not to read...

I love reading. I've read lots and lots of books in my short life. Understandably, I haven't even begun to skim the surface of all the books out there. Fiction is my fav, but I do love the occasional self-help/inspirational/advice/lifestyle/non-fiction historical book, etc... Books like Captivating, The 5 Love Languages, Calm my Anxious Heart, The Sacred Romance, Same Kind of Different as Me, and many others have graced the shelves of my college dorm room and now my living room bookshelves.

However, it took a pretty horrible book to make me really aware of the crud that is out there. I received it as a wedding gift, 3 years ago. 

I was excited to read the book. As a newly-married wife, I was open to this seemingly innocent and Biblical book about being created to be my husband's "help meet." 

It was after the first few chapters of Created to be his Help Meet that I started to get the heeby-jeebies (ya I know...lame phrase but couldn't come up with something better). I talked to my husband about every single sentence that confused and angered me. I felt like maybe my heart was stubborn and unwilling to accept these "truths" about what a wife should be, or that I was totally wrong about my view of marriage. Even though I was 99% confident in the deceptiveness and misinformation in this book, I asked Chris to read the book and to tell me what he thought. Thankfully, my smart, wise, and Biblically sound husband was able to unpack the lies in this book and clear up much of the confusion it had created for me. He didn't have to go very far. When he confirmed how off this book was, it made me realize that my initial instincts were right and I wasn't misinformed or a horrible wife after all! 

Just a few of the quotes that really had me flabbergasted:

p 40 “You have control over whether or not you and your husband will be “heirs together of the grace of life.”

p 54  “God tells wives to be subject to their husbands in everything, every decision, every move, every plan, and all everyday affairs.”

p 58 “When a woman gets old and realizes that there is no man to love and cherish her, it is sad indeed, for she has failed in the very purpose for which she was created…”

p 103 “When you develop an adversarial relationship with your husband, you do so on the premise that you are right and he is wrong. You are also assuming that you have the duty to resit, confront, and challenge him. In thinking he is wrong and you are right, you declare yourself wiser than he, more spiritual, more discerning, more sacrificial, etc. All this adds up to the obvious conclusion that you have assumed the role of leadership, teacher and judge.”

p 111 “Adam, the first man, Samson, the strongest man, Solomon, the wisest man, and even David, the man listed as being after God’s own heart, were all brought down by the women they loved.”
p 139 “It doesn’t seem fair that the wife is expected to honor and obey her husband even though he has not earned the right; yet she must also earn the right to be loved.”
And holy cow, here's the kicker:
p 148 “Dear Debi, I was totally exhausted yesterday when my husband came home from work. The children were sick. I have a new baby, and she was coming down with a fever. He came in and never inquired how I felt or how my day was. He started off by asking why the place was such a wreck and “when will dinner be ready,” because it was the night for choir practice, and he wanted to get there early. He was rude, insensitive, and indifferent to my exhaustion, the kid’s sickness, and everything else. He was so selfish, and it hurt so badly. What was I supposed to do? Reward this selfish jerk with loving service? Jill. 

“Dear Jill, It is your duty, your job, and in your best interest to serve your husband – Debi.”

I'm sad to say, the list goes on and on and onnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn.

I am so glad that I had the guts to throw out the book. Literally. It landed in the bathroom trash can. I can't imagine what guilt and lies I would be battling if I had let this book shape my marriage. 

Here is a link to a great review of this book. Review

My intentions aren't to stir up controversy or to offend anyone,  but I sincerely hope that this will help anyone who has read the book see it for what it really is, or to help people stay away from it- far, far away. If you think some things in the book are good, or true, or right-on, fine. But little nuggets of maybe-truths in a jungle full of lies are not worth the effort to dig out. Toss it and find something that is ALL good. 

If you're wondering if a decent book on marriage actually exists, I'd recommend Each for the Other by Bryan and Kathy Chapell. By all means, it's not the only good one out there, but it's my most recent great find. :) 

Asher's birth story

Without going into too much detail, and without writing 20 pages, I'll try to share Asher's birth story. Amazingly, it's really hard to remember specific details, timelines, etc. I guess my mind was somewhere else! I didn't have a diary by my bed to jot down what happened when. We do have random hour-long videos throughout the whole process, but I don't care to sit and watch them all to try to figure out the exact details.

Here goes!

I was about 2 weeks late and due for an induction in 2 days when I started having real contractions. (I had a few falsies a couple days before) They started at about 1:00 in the morning on Superbowl Sunday. I remember this clearly because I couldn't sleep and was watching episode after episode of Weeds. Thanks for getting me addicted, Ali! When I had my first set of contractions, I remember being really mad at myself for not going to bed early that night. I knew there was no sleep from here on out. Everyone tells you to try to sleep when you start having contractions. I don't know what superwoman is able to mentally and physically block out contractions in order to catch some Z's, but that sure didn't work for me! I was UP. We made sure this was the real thing by timing it, and when it became hard to breathe through the contractions, we called my doula around 4 to tell her I was having regular C's, and she said to rest and keep track of them.

Around 7 AM my doula came to our apt and we walked, and walked, and walked, and walked...... It was Sunday morning and everyone in our building was headed to church, so it was just a little embarassing walking around our courtyard, every 4 minutes or so doubling over in pain from the C's. But it did help me progress.

Still at home: Chris holding my belly to help me through a painful contraction. 

The C's slowly got worse and worse, so when I thought I really needed to go the hospital, we high-tailed it over there. That's one car ride I do NOT care to remember!

We checked in around 9 or 10, and I remember having a bad contraction while signing in. What a pain!

Walking the halls at the hospital. Sweet Chris was by my side the entire time. My poor dad had to see his girl in pain-I'm sure that wasn't fun. 

I guess I should mention that my birth plan was au-natural. No pain meds, no epidural, no C-section, forceps, vaccuum, etc. We hired a wonderful doula that I loved, and she really did a great job helping me through my birth plan. I know most moms-to-be do not go the epi-free way, but this was my choice, based on lots of things. I don't feel I need to justify my choice, but I do want to share why! One-because women were made to carry children and give birth (so I knew I wasn't going into something impossible), two- because I truly believed I could do it, and three- because I had the amazing support and care of my family, doula, and hosptial staff, and four- because no meds is best for mom and baby. 80% of epidurals work, which means 20% don't. So even if you believe the epi is the best way,  you'd better believe you should be prepared to handle it if it doesn't work! (Straight from the Baylor anesthesiologist's mouth!) Also, the C-section rate is sky-high in the US, and lots of people believe epi's have a lot to do with it. I didn't want to chance that. I don't care to cite my sources-just know I read a TON, talked to many women on both ends of the spectrum, and even one of my bestie doctor friends. After viewing all my options (and I mean LITERALLY viewing- I saw 10+ natural home births, an actual C-section, and medicated and med-free hospital births), I decided to fork out for the doula and HOPE to birth my way.

Labor was HARD. It was the most painful and tiring thing I can think of going through (short of 24's Jack Bauer being tortured by the Chinese). Even then, I DID compare my labor pains to someone slicing open my back with a machete. I also had BACK labor. Definitely something to look up if you've never heard of it. It makes labor twice as painful, because not only are you having contractions in your lower ab region, you're also having excruciating pain in your back at the same time.

One of my many laboring positions- this was a favorite

A few days later (safely!), Chris told me this was when my breath was really bad! Umm...brushing my teeth was the last thing on my mind at that point! hah!

This is where the timeline starts getting blurry for me. I labored for about 18 or 19 hours, with painful contractions starting about 4 hours into it. I was not progressing at all- only dilated to about a 4 for most of that time. The nurses decided to break my water, but I still wasn't progressing enough. Then they gave me pitocin, which made my contractions painful to the EXTREME. I no longer had that cushion of water padding my muscles and now my body was being chemically induced to increase the length and size of my contractions.

I do have to say with some pride that I handled labor pains really well. When I got in a rhythm, breathed through the 2 or 3 minutes of pain, and relaxed my whole body, it wasn't that bad. The best (4+ as Chris reminded me!) hours of my labor were when I was sitting up with 4 people massaging my hands and my feet- my mom and mother-in-law on my hands, and my doula and Chris on my feet. It was heaven!

Chris's turn to massage my feet. 

My darling momma helping me breathe through the pain.

One of my breaks from the labor room. Lower back massage was a necessity. 

Problem was when they hurt so bad I just couldn't realistically relax.

Long story short-I was exhausted, in extreme un-natural pain, and my body couldn't do it anymore. I remember "gently screaming" for an epidural. My doula and Chris both did their best to make sure it was what I really wanted (which was, after all, what I asked them to do- help me stick with my birth plan!), but I made it really clear when I cried "Give me the freaking epidural!"

As soon as I got the epi, I could finally relax. After about 20 hours, I was almost at my breaking point, but apparently it was time to push. The nurses had me taking 20-30 minute naps in between pushing. I pushed for about 4 or 5 hours, which is longer than they say should happen, but I was so tired I had to take those naps to give me energy to get the job done.

After 25 looong hours, Asher was finally born! (He wasn't born on Superbowl Sunday like I had hoped!) He was born with his umbilical cord tied in a knot, which the doctor called a "true knot." When he came out, one of the nurses actually said "Oh my-it's a miracle baby!" I didn't know what they meant! If he had wiggled just a little bit more inside of me, he could have pulled the knot so tight that his air supply would have been cut off. He's my miracle baby! Thankfully the doula got a picture of the knot. Here it is!

Asher's true knot

My take on my "birth plan"- I feel that I did my best to go through a natural med-free birth. I always had in the back of my mind that something might go wrong and I was okay with that. I was NOT opposed to intervention if needed, and thank goodness for modern-day medicine. There is a reason that the number-one cause of death for women used to be child birth. On the other hand, obviously, the world was well-populated before epidurals, and women have been having babies since the beginning of time, so it can be done. :p I can attest to the fact that I really don't know how I would have survived this birth without all my wonderful nurses and doctor. Maybe I could have done it, and maybe not. Who knows. But at least I didn't have to get to that point. My baby was born safely and that's all that matters!

There's my story. :) If you would have asked me 3 days after the birth if I would ever do it again, I would have said "H to the NO!" But, like all mothers of multiples have told me, a few months later I forgot about the pain and would willingly do it again. 14 months later, I'm finally writing out my story, which brings back all the "painful" memories, but I'm still so excited to go through it all again when the time comes. Somehow women's brains are able to block out the emotions associated with the pain, so it doesn't seem all that bad. God knew what he was doing when he created women! All in all- it was an exhilarating, excruciating, once-in-a-lifetime experience, and I get to go through it again someday! Remind me to read that in hour 20 of the next labor!

My sweet sweet husband didn't leave my side when the baby was born; he waited patiently with me until they brought the baby over. 

It's a shame I didn't have more flattering pictures! Wowza- that was NOT a Cover Girl day. 25 hours of labor + 15 extra pounds of water weight from the epidural = one very un-photogenic girl!

home

Today was one of those days...

Long story short-this week we decided to walk away from the house we wanted, for lots of various but deal-breaking reasons. Today we went house-hunting again with our realtor, and we found THE perfect house. It had everything the other house had, but matched us better and was just all-around fantastic. It had been on the market 90 days. We were ready to offer. When we got home tonight, our realtor called and said someone put in an offer this morning.

WHAT in the world?! This is the 2nd time that's happened to us! A house sits on the market for months, and the day we find it, someone else puts in an offer just hours before we get a chance to. Chris keeps encouraging me that if God is closing the doors on these houses that we love, he must just have something SO much better for us out there. But how many houses do we have to fall in love with and lose to find it!

House hunting is energy-zapping. I'm worn out. It takes lots of driving, lots of waiting, lots of communication with realtor, loan officers, builders, etc... I'm so ready for it to be over!

When (not IF- I'm being positive here!) we find our house, I'm diving into decorating with gusto! I've already planned out the living room and play room. Here are my two most favorite inspiration rooms:

Via

Via

A good piece of advice my best friend gave me is that a house is a house, until you make it your home. That really gave me encouragement in this whole process. No matter what house we end up with, I can make it our home- the home my sweet husband and I will grow old in, the home we'll raise our family in, and the home that will have open doors to all our friends and family. We can't wait to have four (yes-four!) crazy loud kids running around and creating the kind of chaos you can't help but love. :)