However, it took a pretty horrible book to make me really aware of the crud that is out there. I received it as a wedding gift, 3 years ago.
I was excited to read the book. As a newly-married wife, I was open to this seemingly innocent and Biblical book about being created to be my husband's "help meet."
It was after the first few chapters of Created to be his Help Meet that I started to get the heeby-jeebies (ya I know...lame phrase but couldn't come up with something better). I talked to my husband about every single sentence that confused and angered me. I felt like maybe my heart was stubborn and unwilling to accept these "truths" about what a wife should be, or that I was totally wrong about my view of marriage. Even though I was 99% confident in the deceptiveness and misinformation in this book, I asked Chris to read the book and to tell me what he thought. Thankfully, my smart, wise, and Biblically sound husband was able to unpack the lies in this book and clear up much of the confusion it had created for me. He didn't have to go very far. When he confirmed how off this book was, it made me realize that my initial instincts were right and I wasn't misinformed or a horrible wife after all!
Just a few of the quotes that really had me flabbergasted:
p 40 “You have control over whether or not you and your husband will be “heirs together of the grace of life.”
p 54 “God tells wives to be subject to their husbands in everything, every decision, every move, every plan, and all everyday affairs.”
p 58 “When a woman gets old and realizes that there is no man to love and cherish her, it is sad indeed, for she has failed in the very purpose for which she was created…”
p 103 “When you develop an adversarial relationship with your husband, you do so on the premise that you are right and he is wrong. You are also assuming that you have the duty to resit, confront, and challenge him. In thinking he is wrong and you are right, you declare yourself wiser than he, more spiritual, more discerning, more sacrificial, etc. All this adds up to the obvious conclusion that you have assumed the role of leadership, teacher and judge.”
p 111 “Adam, the first man, Samson, the strongest man, Solomon, the wisest man, and even David, the man listed as being after God’s own heart, were all brought down by the women they loved.”
p 139 “It doesn’t seem fair that the wife is expected to honor and obey her husband even though he has not earned the right; yet she must also earn the right to be loved.”
And holy cow, here's the kicker:
p 148 “Dear Debi, I was totally exhausted yesterday when my husband came home from work. The children were sick. I have a new baby, and she was coming down with a fever. He came in and never inquired how I felt or how my day was. He started off by asking why the place was such a wreck and “when will dinner be ready,” because it was the night for choir practice, and he wanted to get there early. He was rude, insensitive, and indifferent to my exhaustion, the kid’s sickness, and everything else. He was so selfish, and it hurt so badly. What was I supposed to do? Reward this selfish jerk with loving service? Jill.
p 139 “It doesn’t seem fair that the wife is expected to honor and obey her husband even though he has not earned the right; yet she must also earn the right to be loved.”
And holy cow, here's the kicker:
p 148 “Dear Debi, I was totally exhausted yesterday when my husband came home from work. The children were sick. I have a new baby, and she was coming down with a fever. He came in and never inquired how I felt or how my day was. He started off by asking why the place was such a wreck and “when will dinner be ready,” because it was the night for choir practice, and he wanted to get there early. He was rude, insensitive, and indifferent to my exhaustion, the kid’s sickness, and everything else. He was so selfish, and it hurt so badly. What was I supposed to do? Reward this selfish jerk with loving service? Jill.
“Dear Jill, It is your duty, your job, and in your best interest to serve your husband – Debi.”
I'm sad to say, the list goes on and on and onnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn.
I am so glad that I had the guts to throw out the book. Literally. It landed in the bathroom trash can. I can't imagine what guilt and lies I would be battling if I had let this book shape my marriage.
Here is a link to a great review of this book. Review
My intentions aren't to stir up controversy or to offend anyone, but I sincerely hope that this will help anyone who has read the book see it for what it really is, or to help people stay away from it- far, far away. If you think some things in the book are good, or true, or right-on, fine. But little nuggets of maybe-truths in a jungle full of lies are not worth the effort to dig out. Toss it and find something that is ALL good.
If you're wondering if a decent book on marriage actually exists, I'd recommend Each for the Other by Bryan and Kathy Chapell. By all means, it's not the only good one out there, but it's my most recent great find. :)
I actually read this entire book. It was ridiculous and weird. I think I stuck with it because someone told me it was such a good book. I had so many conversations with Chuck over it.
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